the big questions

This place, this big dead place, is so alive. My appreciation for repetition is mimicked all around me. Subtle repetition, similarity again and again. I find satiating pleasure in the landscape. The white repeats itself over and over again- changing tones, minute by minutes, lit with different forces, reflecting and refracting glows, often fading into a featureless white expanse.

From my perch, the driver’s seat of a 44,000 lb Delta, VAST is the only appropriate word.




…………………

My everyday questions have expanded with the horizon. The biggest: “What does a sustainable life look like for me?” How can I be on a middle path, my veins pulsing with passions, and my body attentively stopped to notice the diesel fumes or to hear nothing, resting snow?

In the past this same question of sustainability meant: “Where should I buy my food? Where should I live? What type of job should I have? What kind of partner will share happiness with me? How can I decrease my environmental footprint?”

But now, this question of sustainability is holistically different. I want to develop a lifestyle that suits me personally. I want to build patterns that instigate spontaneity and surprise—that are built upon flexible poignant change.

…………………….

Today, in a low moment of weariness, I found myself thinking, “When I go back to the states I will have to tell people that I have done NOTHING with the past months, with this one long ongoing day of sunlight. Everyone goes to Antarctica!"



Hours later, I laughed at myself realizing that I AM TOASTY! I really have been isolated here. Of course everyone in Antarctica goes to Antarctica. No one I meet here doesn’t.

We are in this together.



My community of intellectual forklift operators, spiritual mechanics, hitchhiking utility technicians, and artistic cargo handlers—we are bound together here on this “harsh” continent; we choose to be without any other option.

……………………

“How can I open myself to life?” In Chicago, I was making artwork about attentiveness, but struggled to step away from my making to enjoy an unstructured, plan-free afternoon. Was I not living a contradiction? I seek to let my art practice be inter-dependent with my daily life. How can I balance my ambition with rest? My direction with wonderment? And most importantly, what experiences do I need to create (and open myself to) in order to teach my body the value of the middle path.


………………...

I ask life questions. I create things figure them out. Sometimes the making is an experience, a moment, a gesture. I guess I just like creating.

While I studied at the Art Institute of Chicago, I desired to mimic the artist Kimsooja. (www.Kimsooja.com) Upon a one on one meeting with her I decided I could not mimic her because my work, even my mimicry, needs to come from within myself. Last month, her work came through my body. Instead of becoming a needle weaving together a river of passing people, I became the silence of vastness. I was an embodied a photograph, living stillness.

I want to choose a state of being over achievement. Where does this locate my art in the world, within myself, in life?

still, cold blank video

The ice shelf is an expanse of permanently frozen ocean; 40 meters of packed snow and ice floats on 120 meters of the ocean water. I rode a shuttle, which I regularly drive, out to ice shelf. The air was perfectly still that day. I chose a spot just off the snow road where a simple perfectly straight line divided the snow from the sky. When the van drove away, a silence unlike any silence found in inhabited places, hung in the cold afternoon air. I sat the camera down on the ground and stood unmoving next to it for 20 minutes, tape continually running. This cold sit is a physically trying experience, even on a moderate day in Antarctica.

Then with a few crunches I entered the framed landscape. The camera still rolling, I mindfully stopped. Dropped to my knees—again perfectly still, I rested there. For five minutes the camera records the silence.

Even to people here on the ice, they perceived the video to be a still photograph until I entered the frame.

………………

I miss, so much do I miss, the smells of “bio-matter”, and the rustle of wind dancing through leaves-the sounds trees, and cardinal’s song.

But no doubt, I will long for this vastness and silence once I deploy.

………………

The US Coast Guard Icebreaker has just broken a passageway, The Channel, through the ice shelf.

Last week I took a cruise down the channel.









A fuel tanker and a large vessel full of supplies will sail in next week. We prepare for ship offload, an event that our entire existence here depends on. Without a doubt the next few weeks will fly by.

(And it did. The Fuel Tanker, and the Nathanial B. Palmer research vessel both arrived while the Coast Guard Icebreaker circled in the bay for days!)



Soon our Air National Guard Chariot-a C17 bomber--will take me off the Ice.

Then, I will bask in natural darkness, with stars above.

iced

At present, I sit quietly. I feel as though I am in a library; computers hum, dry recycled air blows against my face. Yet unlike a library at home, this space embodies a quiet I have not heard for months. Different from the absent silence out on the ice, this space is quiet socially. I am nearly alone. One man sits in the corner to my right, reading on a sofa in a carpeted kitchen cove. I assume he is a research assistant, also trying to get away.

I face a periodical-magazine display. The magazines are organized alphabetically. Beginning with Chemi de Erde: Geochemistry. Dozens line the shelves, propped at forty-five degree angles, tempting me. Their titles: BioProbes 45, EOS, Nature, Oceanus, Physics Today, Science. The last stack of magazines displays bold words:

Terra Antarctica.

It is 9:32 pm; 21:32.

………………



To my left, a long unbroken line of windows spans the room. The night sunlight, diffused by the vast thick clouds that nearly touch the surface of the bay, envelops my lap. The light remains so bright I consider wearing sunglasses. But, I always have a pair on; this one-hour without them is divine. A thin golden beam that edges the massive storm front above marks the white horizon. Hundreds of miles of frozen ocean span below, thick sea ice to the southwest, and a permanent snow shelf to the southeast. I mark the north.

A helicopter momentarily breaks through my mental rest, loudly humming into my hideaway.

I am still on the seventh continent, a shocking awaking, yet one that is my everyday. Monotony infused with un-forsaken awe.

maag; opaque quiet

I showed my still video at MAAG: the McMurdo Alternative Art Gathering. I joined a team of dedicated folks, together we organized and curated the MAAG events early last month. The event was very different from my jewelry sales, my role as an artist was behind the scenes.
…………………….

As encompassing as the silence can be out on the sea ice or in the deep field, social silence here at McMurdo is non-existent. 1000 people live on station. 2 to 4 people share a room. I have three lovely roommates, who all work different shifts. The station runs 24 hours and day and each science support employee works 60 hours a week. In my room, there is not one hour of the day in which we can talk above a whisper: It is a 24-hour sleep space.

And gossip howls like the wind. Work and personal life is indistinguishable. All space is public, someone is always watching and thus everyone can know. Quiet is rare.

..........................

I also created an interactive space, titled:

opaque quiet.



In the mechanic equipment shop of the Science Support Center, our gallery, I constructed an 8’ L x 8’ W x 10’ H room with visqueen plastic. The space became a sanctuary of silence amidst the social sea of the MAAG opening. The entry had a rounded arch and was low so those who entered had to bow their heads. A small visqueen sign hung just above the entry. It read: “This is a silent space. If desired you are invited to communicate non-verbally”. A sign to the right read: “Please Remove your shoes”.




Inside two hanging globe lights hovered over two army cots. Each sat one inch from the floor. On a wood block at the far end of the room rested a stack of manila cards and ballpoint pens.



The silent sanctuary was a dedicated space observable to all but from within you were required not to react. Intimate words were shared without rumors whispering them into the night.



Upon exiting the sanctuary, a sign to the left sat above a wooden block and said: Please place your written conversations here.



…………………

To think, next year I want to come back.
To the silence, to the closter phobia, to the vastness,
To the ice.

penguins!!

Penguins make me sooo happy.



And today, I definitely wasn't the only happy one!

The weather here this austral summer has been really special. The channel, broken out by the icebreakers, has become a penguin highway. As the temperature increased and the air began to blow the quick ice in the bay out to the liquid ocean a group of over 100 ADELE PENGUINS arrived just off Hut Point near the ice pier!

Hundreds of people pilgrimaged out to Scott's Hut (Hut Point) to see all these cute squabbling fellows.



Oh, they are so animated and curious. Waddling about, investigating all of their admirers.





They came within 5 feet of me when I sat still. And squawked, picking up rocks and bringing them back to their colony. I sat at the point for hours and feel that I glowed with their carefree-ness for days.



I am one of the luckiest people alive.

icestock 2006

On New Years Eve day, McMurdo parties with the Annual Icestock, an all day outdoor music festival with a town wide chilli contest!



This year the event, of course, was a total hit! I went out to see Toothless Sean, a folksy rockstar. *grin*



We danced our hearts out, played games (including freesbe, and this old school hammer game, which of course I cannot name!).



And then, when the chill got to my bones I stopped by Sawbucks for a free coffee drink spiked with my choice of whiskey! I take after my grandpa because my do I like whiskey on a cold summer afternoon.

winter wonderland

i recently became a trained leader for the mcmurdo station outing
club, and on christmas eve we took our first outing club trip! we
held the trip out at snow mound city, a site out on the sea ice shelf
located on 40 meters of snow, suspended above 80 meters of ocean.



in this first photo was taken from the top of the castle rock loop trail. this steep steep slop is called the "kiwi ski hill" and leads down to snow mound city. the little black spots out in the distance are two huts that mark our camping
spot. i took a piston bully (basically a mini tracked truck) with all
of our group gear and met the campers who came on foot. the weather
was absolutely beautiful, with afternoon temperatures in the mid 20's
and absolutely no wind.



snow mound city is also the training grounds for our "happy camper
school" so in many ways in resembles stumbling upon an ancient site
where primitive antarctians lived! ironically, most of the "primitive
sites" were built within the past month but with harsh winds the snow
block walls get blown away.



the four leaders, which included my
friends matt, erin, richard and i all spent the first hour taking
photos and playing in the snow. i have found the doing head stands in
the snow has to be one of my favorite snow activities.



after all the campers congregated, we checked in with mcmurdo's
firehouse via VMF radios to inform town that we were all accounted
for.



then, we made tea and settled in to our sleeping quarters. i
made a nest in a quinsy (basically a snow formed igloo) shaped like a
large turtle. with looming mt erebus in the background and petrified
snow letters that spelled out "hi mom" and "hi dad" (all of which are
illustrated in the second to last photo)..i thought this was the
perfect place to spend xmas eve and christmas morning!



no need to dream about a white wonderland... *grin* i was in one!

it was a fabulous and magical night. revealing the silence possible
in the world, *grin* and the vast expanse that we rarely experience.

heavy shop holiday party

if there is one thing folks at mcmurdo know how to do, *grin* it's throw a party. the parties here are, without question, some of the best!

these lovely photos are from our holiday party held over at the VMF-vehicle maintanence facility; basically we partied down in our autoshop! leave it to ice folks to make a party in the most unexpected places!



our christmas choir sang for a few hours and then the party turned to swing dancing! even the most terrible dancers hit the floor-some quite literally.



each department was required to build chirstmas decorations. the most impressive was the leg lamp from "the christmas story". unfortunately, i forgot to take a photo.

however, i did get some shots with santa on the antarctic skidoo! i am accompanied by my roommates: elizabeth and krista, and santa is an electrician!



my department, ATO-antarctic terminal operations-all posed for a photo too! most of the shuttlies are missing, but these are many of the faces i see every day!

stellar axis

on the solstice i participated in the first ever conceptual art performance piece to be funded by the NSF.



created by Lita Albequerque, an artist based out of LA, this work maps the constellations locatated above this particular location, nearly at the bottom of the earth.

lita worked with an astronomer and a GPS cordinating system to plot 99 fiberglass cobalt blue balls on the sea ice so that they mirror the brightest 99 stars in the southern hemisphere. lita was interested in visually representing the light emitted from these stars in on the longest and brightest day of the year.



then, i drove IVAN the Terra Bus, out to her sight with 58 people. together, coordinated with helocopter pilots and a cinematographer, we walked to create a moving spiral within these ploted stars.







here at mcmurdo, we commonly refered to lita's project as "the blue balls", which made me one of the blue ball handlers.

happy camper

last night i spent my first evening sleeping on snow in snow.
i went to happy camper!



happy camper is an over night school that teaches the basic in skills needed to survive out during harsh polar storms.

we learned how to read the weather, put up scott tents, which are designed based on the traditional tents used by first antarctic explorers...



create strudy anchors for glacier/mountaineering tents,



and build a cozy little camp compound (a phrase. i ironically adapted from africa). i most enjoyed building the wind walls for our compound. using hand saws, we cut 4 feet down into the packed snow and pulled up perfectly square blocks.



then, with banana sleds, we transported the blocks to build a four foot wall that "blocked the harsh southernly winds that were starting to make it's way to our camp".



*grin* really, the night was calm and the storm slow--we just pretended for the sake of practice that we had harsh winds. my friend matt (one of the co-instructors) even went so far as to act like the wind, picking up things that we carelessly set down and stealing them for the night.



lastly, we learned how to build quinzy's: basically bonified snow forts. the experience was collaborative...and using the right techniques they become very strong!! and, to my surprize, they were warm. i slept all night without a peep.

the most noteworthy skill i learned in happy camper is to be physically proactive. to anticipate my bodily needs.

in order to prevent hypothermia, all people in the field have to consider their physical needs first and always think ahead. personally, i think most acedemic's are physically hypothermic. *laughter* but that is another story!



somehow all of this seems crucial to my art. that is beautiful and serene.

thanksgivings

after sharing my dozens of antarctic landscapes, i thought it was time to show you the mcmurdo from the inside.



on thanksgiving day, which we celebrated on saturday, november 25, my co-workers and i all dressed up in our nicest clothes ate a huge thanksgiving feast in the galley. it's a phenominon not to see folks in carharts. i think we look pretty snazzy!

later that evening, my supervisor, kris (the front and center in the previous photo) threw me a wee little birthday party gathering. here are a bunch of us drinking mojito's (ghetto style).





our partying then spread over to the coffee house where we watched live folk music and drank wine. a spendid night for all in company!